Imagine you have met an outstanding girl. Everything seems fine in your romance. You are wildly attracted to each other, your dates are exciting, and there is no stress in your communication. You, in fact, spend wonderful days, weeks, or even months together. In your mind, everything is clear. You feel it is just the beginning of great love, and your shared future is bright. But all of a sudden, your special lady disappears from the face of the earth. She no longer reacts to your attempts to make contact: complete radio silence! It seems she doesn't exist anymore, like a ghost...
What happened to her? Is she okay? And furthermore: should you continue writing to her? After all, how do you react correctly to this loss of contact?
At this point, we need to tell you bad news. In such a case, you are dealing with being ghosted, dear reader. Let us explain to you what it means first.
Basically, the definition of ghosting is apparent. If your crush no longer responds, avoids all your attempts to right the wrongs, and appears to have vanished into thin air - this is it. And even though you had a fabulous time together - all your messages and calls will be ignored. It also looks like your couple and all joint experiences never occurred. Without warning or a word of explanation - your woman doesn't answer again. At the same time, there is no official breakup here: you are just dropped like a hot potato!
Interesting fact: the heightened form of ghosting is called zombieing. If so, instead of not contacting you at all, the lady suddenly demonstrates a sign of life after months of absolute quiet - for example, sending a postcard on your Birthday. Like a zombie, your former girlfriend emerges from oblivion.
It must be said that both methods are two of the nastiest and most chicken-hearted ways to break up with someone. Above all, egoistic people, gaslighters, or narcissists use this strategy to get rid of a person quickly, supposedly without conflict and comfortably.
Still, you shouldn't feel depressed. According to a study conducted by the University of California, it doesn't take long to get over such a person. Thus, even if you feel awful now - don't worry - it will be over soon. The exact instructions on what to do if someone ghosted you can be found in this article.
Why do people ghost?
Why do I keep getting ghosted? It's a perfectly appropriate question, and you have the right to ask it. The good news here is: that it's not definitely your fault. Below you can find the four most common motivations of people who choose this method of ending a relationship:
Insecurity and lack of self-confidence
For such ladies, ghosting is the best option because it's easy to accomplish. They simply need to block the contact, unsubscribe on Instagram, unfollow on Facebook - done. The person can be wiped out of life quickly and without seeking a conversation with him. Why should they suffer explaining to the ex-lover what the fundamental problem is? Insecurity says: just ignore him.
Lack of interest
After the lack of self-confidence, lack of interest is the second most common reason people ghost. It might seem completely harmless: you love hockey - she baseball. Your girlfriend wants to party hard on Saturday night, while you prefer to read a book and go to bed at 10pm. Sometimes there is merely no chemistry, though. What we want to say - it's okay when people don't match. However, saying it directly - is less painful than ignorance.
Fear of commitment
These women may dare to let someone into their lives for the first time in a long time. But then it becomes too much for them. The fear of commitment is so overwhelming that the ripcord is pulled. Before the problems can take place - people with a fear of commitment vanish abruptly. This has absolutely nothing to do with you because anxiety can only be overcome by those suffering themselves. This takes a lot of time and effort, though.
Lie
When you get ghosted, there is also the possibility that it was just an affair for your girl. Her boyfriend or husband got wind of it and threw a tantrum. He issued an ultimatum - and the final decision went against you. It is, of course, a bitter feeling - but are you sure you want such a partner in your life?
How do you know you’re being ghosted?
Once again, ghosting is breaking up for cowards. But unfortunately, in times of Tinder and other light dating opportunities, this is not rare. When thinking of a whole pool (no - ocean) of singles available 24 hours/7 days on the cell phone's display - the temptation to never stop searching increases. Luckily, there are a couple of signs you can use to quickly find out if your date is about to ignore you. So, if you ask yourself now, "Am I being ghosted?" Here are the hints you really are.
She is always busy3
You ask your lady out, but she is always too busy? Or, when you suggest you two spend an evening together, her answer is, "Oh, I have so much to do at work at present... how about Friday in two weeks?" Why should such an offer trouble you? Because your girlfriend hopes that you forget about this plan by then. Therefore, she certainly wants to say goodbye.
She doesn't have time for YOU3
There is a colossal difference between being busy generally and not having time solely for you. Your woman travels a lot for business and therefore cancels your rendezvous? This is not necessarily an indication of ignorance. But if you keep getting her runaround, while a few hours later in the Instagram Stories of her friends - you see that they hang out together again - that's a whole different story.
What to do when someone ghosts you like this? Let her go - other people are clearly more important to your girl.
It takes plenty of time for her to text you back
At the beginning of the romance, you used to hear from your lady all the time. You talked several times daily, and your WhatsApp messages were usually answered immediately. But now, your communication becomes less and less frequent, and hours pass before you get in touch. What does it indicate? Let's call it Ghosting light because the complete loss of contact is only a matter of time here...
She constantly reschedules your dates
If this is the case, that doesn't mean you will be relegated to the second string straightaway. But if your shared lunch has been postponed three times already, and you haven't seen each other for almost a month since the last date - the situation is a bit more threatening. How to handle being ghosted in this way? Well, the circumstances are genuinely hopeless when your woman cancels dates and doesn't suggest new ones. But whoever keeps you waiting so long isn't worth your time anyway!
She doesn't even try
You write your crush a message and ask, "Hey, how was your weekend?" If the reply looks like, "Good," - it's not good. It's just a word, no question in return. But you don't give up easily and send another one, "What have you done today?" Her text is not better, "Nothing special." Why is this a sign of ghosting? Obviously, your woman isn't making any effort trying to keep the conversation going. She just hopes you give up, and that's bad!
Why does ghosting hurt?
"Should I text a girl who ghosted me? Do I need to ask her friends whether she is okay? Why does this whole thing hurt so bad?" These are the typical thoughts men in your situation usually have. It's nothing wrong if you feel pain, though.
This cruel form of breaking contact is terrible not only because it is based on dishonest behavior. Much worse is the psychological harm it leaves behind for the affected person. Laying the world at someone's feet and then breaking the relationship up without explanation can injure and keep you from moving on. After all, it hasn't actually ended.
At the same time, this can be toxic to your self-confidence or cause anger, shame, and self-doubt. So, even if this seems difficult, you should never let a girl ruin your life through such an approach. What can you do, then? We have answers, and they are further in this article.
How to deal with being ghosted?
Ghosting is a terribly painful tactic, we know. The feeling of not knowing why you were thrown straight into loneliness after feeling needed for months or even years. Once affected by such frustrating emotion - you also must deal with rejection.
It's clear that we cannot control how other people treat us. However, you have 100% power over how you react to this challenging experience! It is your responsibility to prevent this disappointment from negatively impacting your self-esteem. Our job is to help you. How to deal with being ghosted, then?
Step #1. Ask if something has happened to her
As a self-confident person, perhaps you won't automatically accept that someone is not fond of you. And that's good, for sure. The first thing you need to do here is - consider the possibility that she has stopped answering because of some events in her life.
Simply said: if your lady is not getting in touch with you for a while, something unpleasant could have happened to her. Thus, before you get angry or sad - please have mercy on your mental health. Make sure your date hasn't been in a car accident, hasn't been sick, or hasn't experienced any other unfortunate occasion.
To avoid misunderstandings: when we say misfortune, we mean real trouble. Excuses like "I was stressed out because of work" don't count. Even under the greatest pressure, you can text someone you like briefly and concisely via Whatsapp message, can't you?
Step #2. Cut contact (really!)
Are you sure your crush ignores you? Then you shouldn't search in Google how to get back at someone who ghosted you. Do not call her! Repeatedly asking questions via text messages is taboo too. What you need to do is - cut the contact.
This step is not primarily about demonstrating how uninteresting she is or giving her a little of her own medicine. It's rather about making a significant decision to let this lady go. Try your best not to engage yourself in self-sabotage. For instance, creating a fake account on Instagram and spying on her - is not okay.
It is to say, begging and pleading don't change the ghoster's mind. More likely, her manners will cause you to shame yourself. So you should pay special attention to your self-esteem in this phase to learn to deal with the disappointment.
Step #3. Draw the line
Okay, if you think the final message is absolutely necessary - fine. Sometimes it's also impossible because Tinder is deleted or your number is blocked. But otherwise - it's up to you. The expert opinion in this regard you can see right above.
Anyway, how to get over someone who is ghosting you? Draw the line as soon as possible!
With the support of loved ones, try to stay tough and erase memories. Stop looking for reasons and maybe even write down your emotions to help them go away faster. If your irritation or sadness doesn't vanish - you can also start having sessions with a psychologist. There you will also learn to think positively.
Step #4. Release your anger
It's one of the best methods of how to get over being ghosted. You probably feel powerless and angry now - and you have every reason to be so. No matter what has happened, it's not fair.
You can release your emotions by telling friends what is going on. Let your anger out and maybe even scream or break something if it's necessary for you to wrap up. Her behavior was disrespectful - it's not just your fantasy. Thus, delete her number, block this girl, or do anything else that expresses your offense.
Ghosting is always the end of the relationship. So you should remove all shared photos from your laptop or burn things that remind you of the romance. Remember: depression is not the solution for you.
Step #5. Distract yourself
How to get over someone who ghosted you? It's impossible if you lock yourself up at home alone! The danger that your bitter thoughts will drive you crazy is too real.
Distract yourself with good friends and fun hobbies instead (after reflecting on the situation long enough, of course). Take a relaxing Sunday walk, visit your favorite restaurant, or take tango classes - it doesn't matter what, the point is you enjoy it.
Talk to your best friend about what you feel. What if his experience is similar? Simply do not keep it to yourself. It's nice to know that you are not alone.
What to say to someone who ghosted you?
Unfortunately, ignorance is a part of dating nowadays. According to a recent study, 25 percent of the respondents have already ghosted someone themselves. While 32 percent - know how it feels when the crush suddenly disappears. But what to do when such a personal crisis has happened to you? What to do when you are ghosted?
Many guys in your situation decide to text the ghost for the last time. It seems tempting, of course. Still, dating experts don't think it's always the best option.
But what if you genuinely need this last message? How to formulate it? How to get a ghoster to respond?
We know that you want to show your irritation. But it's better to keep your words cool - at least they should give such an impression. If that person is letting you down like that - okay. She doesn't deserve to know how emotionally you are reacting and how much it hurts. That's why it's better to write a neutral but clear message here.
Unfortunately, in most cases, you have to assume that you cannot expect a response from your ex-partner to such a message. Also, you will not receive any reasons for the breakup. However, if it is in your personal best interest to speak up to the person and show that such behavior is demeaning and unfair, you should do so. In the end, you will emerge victorious from the conflict. Below are the best templates:
- Advice #1
What to say to someone who ghosted you if you want to hit the troublemaker with your words? Exactly: be as polite as possible! Here is an example:
"Too bad you didn't have the courage or the decency to tell me you wanted to end things with us. However, that says more about you than me. Your cowardice at least made it absolutely clear to me you are not the one I want to spend neither a few hours in a restaurant, nor the rest of my life. I'm deleting your number now, and wish you all the best. Bye."
- Advice #2
Do you remember we advised you to ask whether everything is fine with your lady? Before getting angry or frustrated - it's better to make sure she starts the ghosting process. What if she is in the hospital? There is what you can write:
"Hey, is everything alright? I haven't heard from you for a while and actually thought we were on the same wavelength. If you don't feel the same way, just say so! It's okay if you have changed your mind."
- Advice #3
This template is perfect if you have had more than two dates with a lady. Does she ignore you, or is it just a misunderstanding? Try to figure out with the help of this message:
"I don't want to appear as a drama king, but I haven't heard from you in ages. Are you alright? Otherwise, feel free to tell me honestly if you've lost interest. Understanding is one of my best character traits."
- Advice #4
This text sounds a bit more restrained compared to the previous one. We advise you to use it if a lady ghosts you after a first or second date:
"Hey XY! I haven't heard from you for such a long time. It feels like you're not interested in getting to know me any more. Or do you simply prefer other ways of communication? Please just be honest with me as I'd like to know what I'm about with you."
- Advice #5
If you feel you are getting ghosted but don't want to be the one who suffers - you can use another strategy. Write a message that would assume you want to break up with this lady, something like this:
"Hi. I don't know exactly how to say it, so I'll keep it short: I've met someone else that I'd like to get to know better. So it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore. I wish you all the best!"
FAQ
Should I text a girl who ghosted me?
We know that being ghosted feels horrible. It is, of course, unfair that someone behaves like this. Since no one deserves such an attitude. But experts are united in the opinion that you shouldn't text the lady who has hurt you. Follow our tips instead and get over her as soon as possible!
Is ghosting permanent?
Yes, this situation is permanent. If a person appears in your life from time to time - this case is named zombieing. So don't expect her to come back to you one day soon. You should reread the part of our article where we explain what to do when you get ghosted. With our advice, you can get over this unpleasant situation really quickly.
