Too high dating standards are like the heavy burden singles bear in contemporary society. Many men and women hope that a relationship will, somehow, magically fill the void in them. According to psychologists - those who are bored with their jobs and, in fact, dissatisfied with themselves often draw all their aspirations to the matters of love. This undoubtedly makes them expect too much from their partners...
The experts are united in the opinion, many reasons explain why excessive demands are so widespread nowadays. Narcissistic personalities, in particular, raise their standards unrealistically high. Such males and females look not only for matches in terms of appearance, social status, and education. They make a long list of various qualities which must be mixed in a potential partner... Still - these people often overestimate their own dating market value.
You have already guessed what we are going to talk about, aren't you? However, one thing should be said in advance. Remember: it is absolutely okay and even healthy to have certain standards in love and relationships. Knowing what you need and what is unacceptable - is a sign of a correct attitude towards yourself. But sometimes - expectations simply get in the way of your happiness, and it's not good anymore. Thus, today, we'll answer the questions: what are standards in a relationship and how not to exaggerate with them when looking for love.
What are high standards in a relationship?
Did you do this? Could you please do that? Why isn't that done yet? Hello, you have high standards in dating.
We do not only constantly force ourselves to get the best possible results, but we also have demands and expectations on our loved ones! Does this sound familiar to you? We think - yes, in the order you study this article. But in doing so - you forget one thing - your partner cannot read your minds and may simply have completely different priorities. What if some things you want your woman to do weren't exactly on her to-do list?
That is the point when you need to tell yourself, "Stop! My standards are too high!" Since if you keep on pressing on your partner - your love could become history. Endless complaints and frustration are the results of such an unhealthy attitude. Why don't you focus on the nice things your partner does for your relationship instead? It is necessary to turn a blind eye to certain imperfections of your loved one to learn how to live with the high standards in love.
But we don't want to say it's solely your fault. Social media, in particular, translates to all of us a distorted picture of good relationships everyone needs to strive for. Instagram photos of happy couples exploring a new famous metropolis every weekend, taking sunbathes on dreamy Caribbean beaches or throwing dinner parties in their designer apartments. All these images make us want to experience great things immediately. But this kind of relationship is unrealistic itself - it doesn't belong to the normal state of things. And that's, actually, not bad at all - as long as you love your girlfriend. Having a special one beside you is wonderful, even if your dates are not that fancy. The point is - to enjoy the moment since then you will get a lot more of your romance.
You probably ask yourself now, "Do I have high standards in a relationship?" Let's clarify it together! Below you can find ten self-explanatory signs you really do.
Sign #1. Your expectations towards your partner are based on her past.
It is short-sighted if you let your girlfriend's past influence your expectations towards her. You need to be focused on your shared future instead of her history.
Of course, when it comes to important things such as cheating - you need to be aware it has happened in her life. But when a girl doesn't match your standards due to a certain number of ex-boyfriends or failed marriages... Well, it's obviously too much.
Be honest with yourself now. There are probably a couple of fairy icky stories in your past. Although they don't necessarily define you, do they? Okay, even if your name could be used as a synonym of chastity - don't rush. Each romance is a unique experience, and with each new partner, a person behaves differently.
Sign #2. You look only for a problem-free relationship.
What are my standards? I don't have any! My only wish is to avoid arguments, that's all.
Well, if you want to meet a woman, marry her, and never face pain, quarrels, or other discomforts - your standards are definitely too high. Since it sounds like a great plan, but a really unrealistic one.
The reason is simple: if you are looking for a girlfriend with whom you will never have misunderstandings - you will never find her. Conflicts, troubles, and fights are beneficial in a relationship. If you learn to resolve them constructively - you will always win. No one is perfect: neither you nor your loved one.
Sign #3. You are looking for specific physical characteristics.
If you think you know exactly what your ideal woman should look like - it shows your standards for dating are excessively high. And, in fact, it is not the healthiest attitude in partner search. Trust us: your expectations for a lady won't ever be realistic if you consider her merely as a set of physical attributes.
Please, don't be confused because of this sign. It's okay not to feel attracted to someone - the lack of chemistry between partners is difficult to compensate for by her other virtues. Then - she is simply not your type. However, if you automatically neglect a girl if some of her physical characteristics are different - this is not a good sign.
Friendly tip: the next time you decide not to contact a woman because her eyes are not blue - try to give her a chance first.
Sign #4. You push the girls you like away.
What does having high standards mean, you ask? It's easy to explain - then, you push the women you like away because of certain nuances. Let us give you a few examples.
"She is a nice girl, but I don't want to date a late-night supermarket cashier!" "It's fun to chat with her, but at the age of 30, she still lives with roommates." The list can go further, but you know what we mean.
Understand us right - we have nothing against your pragmatic approach. Although, for a long-term relationship, genuine attraction is more important. So each time you think to yourself, it's a pity a lady doesn't match your requirements - be aware you are doing it wrong. Anyway, your list of relationship standards should be immediately shortened.
Sign #5. You never forget and forgive other people's mistakes.
This is one of the most tricky signs your standards in a relationship are too high. Just think about it: your inability to forgive and forget ruins not only your romance but life in general. Indeed compassion is one of the key skills every modern person should have.
Bear in mind one thing - no matter how demanding you are of people around you - accept the fact everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Your categorical approach will never help you find the dream woman. Rather the opposite - it will bring chronic disappointment in all females around the globe. Also, exaggerated expectations not only prevent you from finding the right partner. It ruins the already existing relationship.
Sign #6. You expect your partner to behave in a certain way.
One of the main inconveniences of having standards in a relationship that are too high is the non-acceptance of the natural behavior of other people. Once and for all: they are not you! So try to change your attitude if you want to avoid most of the conflicts and problems with your loved one.
Use your experience: you cannot demand your special people to share your beliefs and have a similar outlook on life. Your girlfriend is a human being - not a Chinese sex doll. She will in no way behave completely the way you want her. Therefore, accept the knowledge that there are no spiritual twins - there are men and women in couples with their own opinions and interests. You will have to take them all into account if you want to be happy in love.
Sign #7. You are never fully satisfied.
Are my standards too high? This question should be asked to men who are never fully satisfied with their love life. As you might guess, we like to give examples - this point won't be an exception.
Imagine: you are finally over your ex-girlfriend. You had to break up with her because she was so unreliable! Besides, her faithfulness was doubtful either: she was definitely flirting with other guys behind your back. Your current lady of the heart, on the other hand, is much too fond of you. She gives you so much care - you feel like you can't breathe anymore. It's simply crazy she wants to make all your dreams come true!
If such a way of thinking seems familiar to you - you better start worrying. Since there is apparently no one who can make you happy...
Sign #8. You are constantly looking for someone better.
The so-called high-standards-dating is, for sure, about the constant search for someone better than your current partner.
Once again, best of all, this could be explained through the example. Let's imagine you had a date a few days ago. And, to be honest, your rendezvous wasn't bad at all. You and your woman had laughed a lot, your conversations were held in a relaxed manner. Without a doubt - you feel attracted to her. But tonight - you can't stop yourself from opening your favorite dating app and scrolling through profiles of the singles left and right. There is one thought in your head: what if an even hotter girl is waiting for you there? The truth is a bit tragic: it will be really difficult for you to stop your search.
Sign #9. You are a fan of superficial judgment.
It is to say, the high standards for a relationship mean you judge too quickly.
For you, it's enough to take a look at a girl to realize - she is way too easy-going for you. Or, from her style, you can tell with confidence - she is a boring person, and you don't want to start a romance with her. We don't want to upset you, but your judgments are simply superficial. How can you be sure you know someone after a brief conversation? We understand you want to feel safe with your choice in regard to a life partner, but still...
Sign #10. You can't stop comparing your new love and your ex.
This answer to the question of "what do standards mean in a relationship" - might sound pretty surprising. But it ought to belong to this list!
So, how is it emphasized? You can't stop thinking that chats with your ex-girl were much more exciting. Well, she is definitely quick-witted, and her countless jokes were hilarious. Okay, another piece of advice here. Right at this moment, you should stop comparing your new lady and the one who is not a part of your life anymore. Because, firstly, we all tend to idealize our past relationships - it's not uncommon. Secondly, you won't find anyone exactly like her, and you don't want that, do you?
Is it good to have high standards in a relationship?
According to the world's best psychologists, having high standards in dating is not a good thing. In their opinion, this is a common problem for those people afraid of commitment. It might indicate the inner crisis - they are subconsciously interested only in those singles who are absolutely contrary to them. If it's your trouble too - this pattern is noticeable in your behavior: you meet ladies, enjoy time with them. But as soon as you admit each of them starts falling in love with you - numerous doubts suddenly arise. Such as: why is this girl chewing so terribly loudly? Why is she constantly dieting, even though she is slim enough? Why does she turn on the TV early in the morning instead of simply enjoying the silence?
Yes, guys with a fear of commitment often hide their worries behind various demands. Moreover: they don't notice it! Their typical search request is, "How to raise your standards in a relationship when you don't need much?" Unfortunately, the solution they see is not to allow too much closeness. Or, even better, break up.
What you need to know - for women, such behavior doesn't mean low self-esteem. It is associated with selfishness instead. So, if this is what you feel right now - learn to open yourself: without ultimately expecting to be disappointed or hurt by someone.
The last thing we need to mention here is - no to extremes. You already know if you keep your standards high - it won't bring anything good. At the same time, being completely undemanding when looking for love makes little sense either. After all, you don't want to waste your time on a woman when you know from the beginning - she is not your special one.
For instance, if you know you are ready to create a family - it won't bring anything acceptable when you choose a girlfriend who doesn't want to settle down. If you love to live in a village and can never imagine living in a big city - you won't get along well with a lady who needs a lot of movement every day.
As you can see, some criteria are perfectly fine. You need them to build a relationship with a person of similar views. Still, don't cross the line and become too demanding.
Is it OK to lower your standards?
There are a few conditions essential for all modern singles. Well, it's not our opinion - that's what statistics say. Everyone wants a future partner to be well-educated and reliable. However, Western guys far more often wish to meet a girl who would visually correspond to their idea of an ideal woman. Quite a few respondents mentioned they have very specific ideas about the potential soulmate. It includes appearance, character traits, career, values, hobbies, etc.
But how realistic are such expectations? Is it, in fact, necessary to say goodbye if a woman doesn't love football as much as you? Actually - it is not.
As mentioned above, high standards for dating often work as an unconscious protective mechanism. So make sure you don't use them to run away from your girlfriend before things get too serious. Do not hesitate to ask for professional assistance to fight your defensive behavior. Even if you don't like the whole idea of it - psychologists are certain. If you have negative expectations from the beginning, there is a greater likelihood your thoughts will be confirmed.
But we don't want you to have low standards in a relationship! Simply check your search criteria to guarantee you do everything right.
Is it really that important to you that a potential partner has brown hair instead of blonde? Can you live with the fact that she would rather go skiing than to the theater? Is it okay if she doesn't live in your city?
Remember one thing. In love, you have to make compromises and think outside the box. All people have their own habits, views, or ideas. They can ultimately be inspiring and annoying for others.
You should by no means fall into the perfection trap! That makes you inflexible and prevents you from ever being able to commit yourself. We are pretty sure - your goal is to be happy, not the opposite.
