At least once in our lives, we encounter male and female manipulators. Psychologists can explain their behavior, though. In this way, such people try to benefit from their victims and put themselves in a better light. They don't really care that those affected are sometimes driven to the brink of madness...
We can face exploiters on every corner: not only in private life - but also at work. Some of them are easily recognizable from the outside - while others are so refined that no one realizes who they are at first. Thus, unfortunately, we are exposed to unfavorable experiences connected with manipulations more often than we think. That's why we decided to write this article and highlight the most crucial nuances of this subject.
Let's start with the basics. Experts are united in the opinion - that manipulation is usually the tool of choice for narcissists and individuals with severe personality disorders. In fact, their games with the psyche have toxic effects on their own well-being. But what is the motivation of such people that overshadows all drawbacks? Among others, it's about control - they love to be bossy. That's why these men and women are incapable of accepting others, being open to criticism, admitting their mistakes, and apologizing.
However, one should not jump to conclusions based on these behavioral characteristics and accuse the person of a mental illness. There are trained professionals for that. And, of course, we don't want you to join this closed club. Therefore, you won't find in this text tips on how to manipulate someone into loving you over text.
We think it's more significant to recognize when people around you are exploiting you. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. You must agree: it doesn't do any good to be influenced by the girlfriend without noticing it. Since, sad to say, the more information you divulge, the greater the potential for attack. We genuinely hope - you have found this article before it's too late. And you are not trapped in a circle of self-doubt, problems, and isolation. Leave the rest to us, dear friend - we won't fail you.
Why are women manipulative?
Girls, in contrast to guys, are experts at subtle manipulation. They skillfully influence men to act, think or feel a certain way - while their boyfriends are relatively unarmed in the face of their sophisticated tactic. It is so because, for many men, it takes years to stand the thought: "Oh my God, my girlfriend is manipulative!" So we are glad you are at this point now.
Let us give you an example. Have you ever wondered why you are lying on the crowded beach with your special one when you would have preferred to have gone on a hiking tour through the mountains - but still think, "Well, actually I enjoy being here already"? Yes, dear friend, ladies are so clever at exploiting that you may even feel comfortable with your needs being ignored. They come up with a thousand reasons why their idea is the better one - and, most likely, you don't feel like discussing trifles and bow to the wishes of your sweetheart.
Bearing in mind the mentioned above - it's hardly surprising that modern females decide almost everything! For instance, according to statistics, they make up two-thirds of the decision concerning buying a car, regardless of whether it is intended for the partner or personal use. After the marriage, the wife becomes the authority in the household and garden. She decides on home furnishing and joint leisure activities; she has the last word on the children's school and her husband's wish to take the new job. And, trust us, such a girl doesn't torture herself with a question: "How can I stop being manipulative???" She sleeps soundly all night long instead.
Some experts give an illustrative analogy in this respect. Female manipulation (like suppression in psychology) is a kind of game with elements of the struggle. Whoever manages to repulse the attacks of a partner leads: their word becomes decisive in the generally equal choice. At the same time, a man who loses rounds in a mental duel shows his weakness and automatically becomes henpecked.
Do you understand the whole thing a bit better now?
Warning signs of a manipulative woman
What are the traits of a manipulator? Psychologists state that such ladies usually have many qualities in common - but the most apparent is irresistible charisma and powerful attraction. So, at first glance, you won't even notice the dark side of their souls masterfully hidden behind the alluring facade. And that is a great danger, for sure!
Emotional blackmail, by these girls, is often just the means to an end. That's how they try to get what they want deliberately but covertly, influencing the men's behavior. Once you've fallen into their trap, there's (almost) no escape... Unless you learn these 10 signs that help you spot a manipulative person sooner and don't fall into a victim trap.
Sign 1. She is a good liar
Does your girlfriend tell you about things that never really happened or deny something that indeed took place? Even if she doesn't belong to the representatives of the most manipulative sign of the zodiac - the verdict is clear since your sweetheart is guilty.
Do not sprinkle ashes on your head, though. Exploiter, as a rule, does his job so credibly that you often doubt yourself and wholly believe everything you hear from this woman. Why does she do this, then? Evidently: she wants to arouse your sympathy, make herself look good, and change your perception.
If you feel you are being lied to, you should try to spot the fibber. Question her, look for inconsistencies, or ask others if they can verify your girl's story. Of course, anyone can be wrong or remember something differently than it actually happened, so don't be too hasty in making any accusations. However, when the cycle is repeated several times...
Sign 2. She is too open
Even though you don't know each other well enough, your woman tells you highly personal things or confides in your supposed secrets. Is that right? Well... We guess you already understand what we are trying to say here.
If you notice such behavior in a girl you date for a week or something like that - be very careful! Because, in the worst case, this hints you are dealing with the scammer. In the best case, such a person wants to establish a basis of trust as soon as possible so that you tell her all your personal stories and secrets. Why? For the reason that she eventually plans to use this information against you.
Without a doubt, you shouldn't have confidence in someone prematurely. Make sure you know who you are dealing with before trusting a lady completely.
Sign 3. She knows your weaknesses and uses them against you
This one definitely belongs to the warning signs of a manipulative woman. So if your girlfriend knows where to press to really hurt you - be on your guard. Especially when she makes you doubt your appearance, words, choice of clothes, or what you order when eating together in a restaurant - run away. Instead of helping you feel better, her manipulations increase your insecurities.
What is the essential tool of such a lady? Patently, it's her sarcasm that skillfully pulls down your self-esteem. Having the gift of hurting people just through the tone of her voice and the choice of spoken words, the exploiter easily achieves her goals. Thus, keep your eyes open for derogatory comments that ridicule, unsettle, and make you feel worthless.
Sign 4. What she says and what she does are two completely different things
If your darling tells you exactly what you want to hear but ultimately only does what suits her - it's a reason to be concerned. Because instead of being honest and telling you straightforwardly that she doesn't share your opinion, she merely fakes her support. Remember: you won't ever get it after all...
In case this is your first time in a relationship with a manipulative woman - you may not see it coming. So don't worry if you can't do anything about it. Still, the crucial thing here is not to get caught in the same trap again - therefore, question your girlfriend's actions from the start.
Sign 5. She plays with your conscience
If you want to be more familiar with the typical manipulative woman traits, take a closer look at this one. Do you notice that your girlfriend makes you feel bad about your actions no matter what you do? When you disagree with something - it's your fault. Even if you want to talk about a problem in your relationship - you are the one to blame.
Once the "argument" is over, an exploiter uses your guilt, taking advantage of it and getting everything she wants. Regrettably, such a lady really doesn't care about your feelings...
Yes, a manipulative girl knows how to use her speech. She always chooses the right words in every situation. Like a chameleon, she adapts to her conversation partners and environment. However, as soon as you confront her with something that appears uncomfortable, this female manages (very skillfully) to deviate from the topic and make you forget what you asked her in the first place.
Sign 6. She makes you feel what she wants
When she is sad - you must also feel miserable. When your woman is angry, your emotions should be driven to the limit. Without a doubt, she is in complete control of your moods.
How does it work? Your sweet manipulator arouses your sympathy and makes sure you have the need to solve her problems (even though they, in fact, have nothing to do with you).
The key to success is, of course, your girlfriend's charm. That's what helps an exploiter to captivate you with just a few words and actions. So be careful not to get caught up in this web of seduction. Since if you fail this mission, looking at things objectively - won't be an option for you anymore. At the same time, taking off the rose-tinted glasses may be really painful...
Sign 7. She downplays the problems you have
How does a manipulative person act? When you talk about your issues - such a girl makes you feel immoral. After all, her personal situation is much worse. And even if she has precisely the same problem as you - sorry. Hers is, of course, all the more serious. With her words and actions, the exploiter makes you feel ungrateful - you are just a crybaby.
There is another behavioral pattern used by a manipulator in these circumstances. Does your girlfriend say that following her advice would guarantee your success? If yes - you already know what we are trying to say here. Also, she obviously wants to control your life. Your lady tries to show - all tiny problems you have may be optimally solved with her guidance. While choosing the opposite action plan - you can be sure that a person with a manipulative streak would blame and constantly correct you.
Sign 8. She plays the victim role
Simply put - the whole world is against your girlfriend, and she is never to blame for anything. But basically, she under no circumstances takes responsibility for her mistakes. Putting the blame on others (and preferably on you) is her strategy.
Remember once and for all: admitting her missteps is not an option for a manipulative lady. It is much easier to shift the fault onto others for better control of the situation. Her goal is to take on the victim's role to have the power of forgiving or unforgiving someone. Through this power, she builds up extreme emotional pressure - it is so high that you start to believe - you are the wrongdoer here. Wracked with guilt, you feel an obligation to do everything possible to seek forgiveness from the poor baby.
Sign 9. She compares you to others
Are you compared to others? That's how women manipulate men, dear friend.
Such ladies usually use contrasts to deliberately influence their boyfriends to move in a certain direction. Thus, if your darling says something like - "I bet Mister X would have done it absolutely differently. Do you understand his result would be better?" - this is a sign that she wants to manipulate you! A direct comparison in such a situation is a juxtaposition that makes you appear not good enough. Your girl puts you in the worst possible light and marks your decisions as questionable. This is intended to evoke a feeling of inadequacy, after which the change in your behavior should follow.
Sign 10. She fakes her willingness to help
A manipulative girlfriend pretends to be willing to help - but she is not. So when you ask her to do something - she quickly says yes. Still, when the moment comes (that indeed requires her support), such a lady acts like it is a huge extra burden to carry on your behalf.
Here is an example of an exploiter's typical behavior. Although she has assured you of her readiness to help to resolve some problems, she whines and moans about how much work she has because of you. The lack of enthusiasm when you need something the next time is a common reaction here. Experts insist on a breakup, though…
Why am I easily manipulated?
You have probably noticed that some people are effortlessly swayed by exploiters, while others are almost never hooked. Since you are still reading this article, you belong to the representatives of the first category. Are you asking yourself now, "Why am I easily manipulated? What is wrong with me?"
Do not worry - everything is alright with you. There are just several personality types that are more likely to be affected by the charm of manipulators. Which one is yours?
Shy people
There are a lot of shy individuals in the world who suffer from self-doubt. They are easy prey for devious ladies because such guys dream of being understood and accepted. The key to success here is to flavor the requests with compliments - so rejection becomes unthinkable.
Embarrassment mixed with romantic feelings and trust - that's what shy men usually undergo when dating a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Gullible people
A manipulator benefits from the partner's inexperience here. Such a guy simply does not understand that his sweetheart is using him. He blindly believes everything has been going right, although this is not the case.
Unfortunately, credulity disappears only thanks to the negative experience - a person must learn what it is to be fooled. Only in this way will he stop trusting the first girl he meets.
Overly kind people
As they say, being kind is fine - but not for the person. Society has been using kind, vulnerable, and sensitive people throughout history. Individuals who can't say no - end up lacking time and resources for themselves and their lives.
Is crying a form of manipulation? With compassionate guys - sure, since they may be pressured with pity! Manipulators know: they can tell these men a pack of lies and give promises they never keep. Good-natured people (out of kindness) won't demand anything.
Weak people with no opinion of their on
The herd instinct has reached a maximum peak nowadays. Since ancient times, people have dreamed of being a part of something big because they did not want to be outcasts. Manipulators know this, so they can impose on their victims whatever their hearts desire. Just basic oratory skills are enough.
Predictable and sincere people
A female manipulator plays on such a person's weakness to take advantage of him. It's not hard, though. Too open, honest, and emotional personalities are an open book! They voluntarily reveal their secrets to exploiters, which are used to gain control over them.
In contrast, secretive guys are incredibly challenging to comprehend. Therefore, it's better not to tell anyone too personal facts...
How can I stop being manipulated?
Why are women manipulative? It's a complex question that still has no clear answer. One thing is certain, though. If you start dating such a girl, she plays on your feelings of fear or guilt, forcing you to act contrary to your interests. Remember: it is also abuse (not physical - but emotional). This experience is not so noticeable from the outside but leaves deep wounds in the soul.
Do you think your girlfriend, with the help of clever tactics, is using you? Does she make you do something completely different from what you planned? Following these five tips, you can finally get out of this trap!
Tip 1. Realize that you are being manipulated
For a long time, acting according to the expectations of the exploiter, sooner or later, you start feeling a bitter aftertaste. Without a doubt, finally understanding that you are being used is unpleasant. The whole thing makes you extremely angry - you want to stop the torture immediately. However, a few moments later, comes the traitorous thought: "No, it can't be true - she loves me, and I'm an idiot." Back to square one...
It's crucial to realize your gut tells you the right things. Because awareness is the first step on the way out of the manipulative scenario. Praise yourself and give yourself a small gift when this mission is completed.
Tip 2. Define what exactly she is doing with you
Yes, women are manipulative - but they all have different tools. Each mechanism is adjusted for a concrete person. Then, it's time to figure out your main weakness, thanks to which you are easily led to the intrigues of a manipulator. Take a moment - the answer is usually specific and related to your current situation.
For example, you are afraid that the beloved one will stop loving you if you say no or defend your point of view. Or you worry that your girlfriend will leave you if you suddenly have no money. Do you know what it is? Great! Now the exploiter has no chance to fill your heart with self-doubt and guilt.
Tip 3. Think up the escape plan and get support
Time to think: what happens if you do not do what the manipulator expects from you? Is it that bad? In many cases, victims have nothing to lose in such a situation. The manipulator imposed these fears on you to her advantage. On the other hand, even if she leaves you, is this relationship, based on a lie, worth the humiliation? After all, you have noticed almost all signs of a manipulative woman in your honey.
What you need to do next is - turn on your imagination. Visualize getting over a romance that hurts you in as much detail as possible. What will you do? Where will you rent a new apartment so that you no longer live with a manipulator under the same roof? Fantasize that you no longer feel fear and guilt. Isn't it inspiring?
Having come up with a retreat plan, remember those friends and relatives whose support you can count on. Someone will be able to shelter you for a while, and others will help with a kind word - the point is that there are people who care about you.
Tip 4. Speak in plain language
This step is not easy, for sure. Talk to the exploiter in plain language because this is the only way to stop the manipulation. Wait for the next time your girlfriend makes you act according to her scenario and not of your own free will. Step back and look at what is happening as if giving someone else the analysis.
Take a deep breath, and feel the air moving in and out of your lungs. You have 15 more seconds to think. Remember everything you imagined for yourself at the previous stage: all the plans, dreams, and people on your side. You are so close to happiness!
Do not forget the tools and signs of a devious woman - she will try to use everything she has against you. After that, calmly tell your dear manipulator that you understand the essence of her actions. It could be something like, "You are threatening me with this because you hope that, as a result, I will not go anywhere." Turn off your emotions and give facts. Actually, it's better to prepare your speech in advance. If what you said catches you quick, while fears and feelings begin to stir inside again, then this is the whole point of manipulation.
Tip 5. Distance yourself
Now try to distance yourself: after you have voiced the essence of her female manipulation - she will definitely explode. In fact, the louder and more aggressive she appears - the more accurately you hit the target.
The main thing is to understand that this flurry of emotions no longer has anything to do with you. The manipulator is indignant that her actions were exposed and that the scheme she invented no longer works. She urgently needs to come up with something new to intimidate you. In other words, she is angry with herself.
If possible: it is better to leave immediately: this is not the time to sort things out. Leave your girlfriend alone with her feelings. You have done a great job and deserve a pleasant rest: go to the gym, meet your friends, or arrange a trip.
The manipulator may try to impose her scheme on you again and create a new hook. Your task is not to respond to her proposals, even if they seem quite innocent. It is worth waiting a bit: both you and she must cool down and recover, and besides, you need to learn new behavior and no longer dance to someone else's tune.
FAQ
Do manipulators know what they are doing?
Unfortunately, the majority of manipulators are perfectly aware of what they are doing. These people intentionally hurt others to benefit from them and make their loved ones do what they want.
What are the most manipulative signs of the zodiac?
Astrologers are united in the opinion that Cancer is the most dangerous manipulator in the zodiac circle. The second place in this rate goes to Scorpio, and the third one - is Leo. So be careful with these guys.