Absolute love - this feeling is not something that comes easy in modern people's lives. You must agree, loving your girlfriend with all her quirks may appear a tough job from time to time. But do you really need to do everything that it takes for the sake of the loved one?
I love you unconditionally! And if you sincerely love me, then... Everyone has probably heard such a baseless claim from a partner at least once in his life. Unfortunately, the arguments with this context often lead to a breakup. Still, how do you distinguish between a trivial quarrel and irreconcilable differences?
The best psychologists from Western Europe and Canada conducted an incomparable study a few years ago. Their main task was to find out the answer to the question of what does loving someone unconditionally mean? And we think the results they've got are truly noteworthy.
We all want to love and be loved entirely, just as we are. Without having to pretend. With all corners and edges. In this article, you will find out everything you need to know in this regard. Don't forget: all tips placed here are based on scientific findings.
What is unconditional love?
Do you know the definition of unconditional love? What does it mean in everyday life: when choosing a partner and developing a relationship with her? Does it mean putting your own needs aside, utterly fulfilling your woman's happiness for your own joy? Can you love a person no matter what comes and how she behaves? And is that actually healthy or worth striving for?
As the name suggests, unconditional love is not bound to any conditions. In other words, when you love someone unquestionably, you can be yourself. At the same time - you are sure that your girlfriend loves you from the bottom of her heart without having any expectations towards you and your feelings. Simply said, she accepts you for who you are either. You don't have to be cleverer, funnier, or sweeter than someone else. The reason for that is simple: absolute love does not require anything in return. You give what you are willing, and your partner values you for it.
The Canadian neuroscientist Professor Mario Beauregard studied at the University of Montreal how unconditional love is shown in the brain. According to him, if a person experiences it - seven areas of his neocortex become active. Some - have to do with romantic love, while others with parental love. The reward centers also become engaged. Impressive, isn't it?
You might say: everyone wants love without conditions! Who the hell wants to pretend to be loved? Sad to say, but many people nowadays fake themselves to finally be loved. However, the idea that you have to earn the adoration, that you're not good enough, and that you'll work harder to get it is proven to be a problematic belief. This can quickly lead to toxic relationship dynamics... Therefore, unconditional love does not involve a constant spirit of forgiveness. And above all, it is not a one-way street. A lasting relationship can only succeed if both love the same way.
Does unconditional love exist?
Does unconditional love exist? Yes, scientists have proven that.
Do you, after reading the first section of our article, don't quite see yourself in this kind of a relationship yet? You probably ask yourself, "Why can't I love unconditionally?". No need to worry, dear friend. This is not bad and has nothing to do with your emotional spectrum. Many people rush from one romance to the next and still haven't felt this deep connection with a partner yet.
More importantly, you can learn how to love unconditionally - since you already demonstrate your inner willingness. But you need to know: it will be a long way that starts with yourself. You should free yourself from your past and don't make your unsuccessful experiences a relationship pattern. Also, above all, only if you love yourself can you move in the right direction.
Perhaps, you are wondering now: who is my true love?
Especially at times when you feel lonely or long for romantic sensations, you ask yourself if you will ever find absolute love. Well, to be able to give a concrete answer here - we definitely need a crystal ball or Tarot cards. Although, all jokes aside, here is the description of the lady you will certainly be able to love unconditionally:
- The person you care more about than everyone else around you.
- The person who makes you feel perfect just the way you are. The one who doesn't want to change you.
- The person you never want to miss. With whom you can imagine spending the rest of your life.
- You rarely feel attracted to anyone else and only feel connected to your partner.
Do you already know such a girl?
Examples of unconditional love
When it comes to unconditional love and support, the first thing people usually think of - are feelings parents have for their children. Slightly less frequently, it is associated with something religious, for example - devotion to God.
But what is unconditional love in a relationship? How can it be demonstrated?
We would certainly refer to Hollywood movies to describe it better. Most romantic films have such supporting characters - they are, as a rule, grandparents of one of the protagonists. These elder lovebirds definitely fell in love and got married without thinking twice. Then - they got children, as soon as possible either. And what about loyalty and honesty? A man and a woman in such a couple had it all, in fact. However, they haven't ever really argued about significant matters: marriage, kids, life goals... Anyway, their love lasted, and "until death do us part" weren't empty words to them.
Watch the melodrama The Notebook to get a living example of what we just have described.
Unconditional love still involves healthy boundaries!
We hope the examples of unconditional love were inspiring to you. Still, we don't say everything is perfect. For some people, the desire for absolute love is pure ego. Therefore, from a therapeutic point of view, however, this probably includes the warning. It would sound like, pay attention to the side effects: do not let yourself be taken advantage of! Set limits! Protect yourself from abuse and emotional dependence!
Real unconditional love only exists when both partners feel like that. Perhaps this is exactly the secret. Partners who live the same values can open up to each other in a trusting manner and show themselves vulnerable.
You probably remember a strong relationship consists of acceptance and generosity. But bear in mind one more thing: the limits of love are where one's own emotional and physical health is endangered. A romance consists of giving as well as taking. It is perfectly legitimate to ask something of your partner and vice versa. The healthy boundaries should never be exceeded, though.
The difference between unconditional love and abuse
The opposite of unconditional love is a toxic or abusive relationship. You probably already know this form of romance from your friends or even your own experience.
How does it differ, then? Above all, in such a case, the feelings of your girlfriend are linked to her ideas of how you should act. It has nothing to do with your true self. On the other hand, it is demonstrated in demands your woman consciously or unconsciously has towards you. Here are the examples:
- You always have to try hard to meet her expectations.
- You need to give her all your attention.
- You must show her your affection in public: everyone has to know that you belong together.
- You don't have a right to express adequate criticism towards her projects - only support.
- You are not allowed to decide by yourself, even concerning your personal issues.
If you don't meet her expectations - you are in trouble. She may doubt your feelings, at first, and then - denounce the breakup. Solely if you will come back begging her to give you and your love a second chance - she is going to do something. Maybe there will be fights between you with time. In married couples, such escalation often turns to hate. As you can see, it has nothing similar to loving your partner unconditionally...
When may you say that you love unconditionally?
What does unconditional love mean? Trust us: you will quickly realize it once you feel it. Don't get us wrong, but absolute love is like pregnancy: either you have it, or you simply don't. There is no in-between in this respect, and it's not only our opinion.
Let us be more concrete, though. If you enjoy responding to the needs of your partner - and, conversely, feel that your partner is there for you - good news. These desires confirm you love each other entirely. But don't think this comes naturally, without doing anything. A relationship, and especially a marriage, in which you love unconditionally - always means work. Do you think you can enjoy this work? Are you ready to approach and respond to your partner? To respect and listen to her? Congratulations, then you love unconditionally!
One important thing should be mentioned at this point. Absolute love takes time: it doesn't appear in your heart overnight. It arises from your initial understanding and grows over time. But already in the getting to know each other phase or in the early romance stage - you can tell if you are about to discover unconditional love. These signs can tell it to you:
- You understand each other sometimes without saying a word.
- You are familiar with each other's dreams and goals.
- You are attracted to each other, and your relationship is very passionate.
- You treat each other with respect.
- You show mutual tolerance.
- You feel no fears, worries, or doubts concerning each other and your relationship.
Tips for offering unconditional love
Statistically, more than 35 percent of all marriages in the USA end in divorce. This number has risen sharply over the past 60 years. While there was one separation for every twelve marriages in the 1950s, in 2021 - there were just under 2.4 marriages per divorce. Sad, isn't it?
Notwithstanding the positive social developments, it seems that people have started to forget how to love unconditionally. Is it possible to learn to do it once again?
Of course, you can do this! However, you may have to work on yourself to get noticeable results. For example, if you're extremely jealous, you're more likely to have trouble loving unconditionally. The following tips are going to be helpful, though. Take your time and read them thoughtfully.
Tip #1. Listen to your loved one
Having pleasant conversations means listening carefully and actively to your partner. Give her space to express herself!
Unfortunately, most people nowadays don't really listen to each other. They appear absent-minded and unfocused in talks. It's because they're mentally distracted by all the problems they currently go through.
Are you possibly making this mistake yourself? While the loved one is speaking, you are already thinking about what you want to say - seems it familiar to you? Then you wait for her to take a breath – and start talking about your own issues? Oh dear, there is no spiritual closeness this way. But don't worry, we will help!
Active listening if you are loving someone unconditionally means:
- You listen to what your girlfriend is saying.
- You reflect the content in your own words. When doing it - you refer to the facts your lady has mentioned and her feelings.
- You react to what can be read between the lines.
- With short interjections like hmmm, understand, and okay - you show that you are actively involved in the conversation.
- At the appropriate moment, you also put your own thoughts, feelings, and worries into words. At best, your parts of speech are about the same length.
You will find that your conversations gain depth and intensity using these tips - just try them!
Tip #2. Improve your self-esteem
Do you have good self-esteem? If not: start working on it right now! This is important in showing unconditional love and making your girlfriend capable of it. You should feel comfortable in your own shoes and be at peace with yourself - otherwise, it won't work.
Your appearance doesn't matter - don't think you need to change your style or haircut. If wellness procedures make you feel more self-confident - do this, though. But generally, it's about your inner feelings towards yourself.
Please don't expect your woman to complete you or fix something inside you. Through this attitude, you close your heart to absolute love.
Tip #3. Avoid using your love in means of pressure
Most likely - you know how this sort of punishment worked from your childhood. If a kid doesn't do what the parents want - he doesn't get any attention on their side. Or no pocket money, if we are talking about teenagers.
In relationships, being denied in matters of love has many faces. It could be sex, care, financial support, physical help, communication... Many men and women couples use this as an influence on each other.
Do you want to describe unconditional love to your woman? Then do not use your devotion and tenderness as a weapon to get what you want.
Tip #4. Be honest
What is unconditional love, you ask? That's when you are open and honest with your partner in everything. This applies to your thoughts, concerns, feelings, and beliefs. The loved one has a right to know what you have in mind! Big or small things - don't matter. Absolute love includes unconditional openness.
If you want your partner to love you entirely - she needs to see you without pretense. Give her this chance, and you won't ever regret it.
Tip #5. Treat your partner with respect
You already know that love should be unconditional - the same applies to respect, though.
Mutual thankfulness includes a non-violent and pleasant communication style. Be careful not to verbally hurt your loved one. Always remember - all conversations should be led as partners and at an equal level.
This is especially true in conflict situations. There is a famous saying: it's not what you say, but how you say it. Therefore, avoid sarcastic and ironic phrases and undertones. Instead, consciously talk about your feelings: accusations and reproaches are often deadly for relationships.
Do you understand what is important in matters of unconditional love now?
How do you know if someone loves you unconditionally?
How do you know if your partner loves unconditionally? There is, perhaps, not a single person in the world who has asked himself this question. No wonder this bothers you too.
Finding that special one to spend the rest of your life with is - what all people strive for. But we have good news for you. There are five signs that suggest your woman is giving you her supporting love. Of course, each relationship is very individual, but certain characteristics are always the same.
Sign #1. Endless trust
Above all, altruistic love means one thing - endless trust.
Have you noticed your girlfriend is willing to take all masks off and reveal everything about herself? Great: it means she trusts you. It doesn't all have to happen at once, though. It is a process that develops over months and years.
Having the right one by your side involves sharing your deepest needs and fears. In unconditional love, there is no risk of really getting hurt.
Sign #2. You fall in love with each other over and over again
Even when it comes to pure unconditional love, not everything goes smoothly. Just because it's the right partner doesn't mean the relationship is always perfect.
Every couple experiences ups and downs from time to time - this is completely normal. But after each argument - you always manage to find something new in your partner and fall in love with her all over again. The same applies to your special one, for sure. This is a sign of absolute love!
Sign #3. Freedom
What is the meaning of loving unconditionally? When you perfectly know that your loved one doesn't force you to do anything. Simply said - you don't feel the need to follow all tips from the partner's side.
This sort of freedom is always present in a relationship that lasts a lifetime. A bit of independence in romance is essential, and you know that.
Sign #4. Dedication
Of course, everyone's a little afraid of great love. Because this means that he has to reveal the most intimate things of his soul. But that requires trust and loyalty, for sure.
Thus, one more meaning of unconditional love is dedication. If your lady really cares about you - she is willing to put more energy into the relationship. Her desire to resolve conflicts is simply incomparable. Because she knows that she fights for what she loves.
Sign #5. No need to get something in return
Of course, this sign perfectly describes all unconditional relationships. We had to mention it anyway. Did your girl recently buy you a small gift? Did she help in resolving a complicated task at work? Don't blame yourself if you can't give anything in return. Unconditional love your woman feels doesn't require it. So simple it is.