Today we live at the beginning of the 21st century. And what, in your opinion, is the bravest thing someone from the Western world can do? If you think the correct answer has something to do with extreme activities or political protests: you are far from the truth. In fact, the most courageous decision such a person can make is - trying for a baby.
Yes, you understood us right - the desire to become a parent nowadays can be developed only by bold men and women. And never have they had to mull this subject over than in this day and age.
Before the end of the last century, having kids or not wasn't really a question - it just happened. Build a house, plant a tree, and give birth to a son - this how were formulated the life goals of every male. Females were raised with the idea that parenthood is part of a fulfilling life. At present, these attitudes don't seem up-to-date anymore. To be more precise, now we live in the age of childfree dating.
The question facing childless couples currently is not whether they are living up to the wishes of their parents, grandparents, or parts of a deeply divided society. The dilemma often is - whether little ones should be brought into the world at all!
At this point, many start feeling guilty. Others - search for the results of a query: don't we owe it to humanity to deliver kids? There is no reason to think the issue lies in selfishness, though. There are good reasons to believe this sense of guilt is complete nonsense. Egoism? No. The opposite is true!
Let us give you some general realities. According to a study (conducted by the University of Oxford), more than 45 percent of all jobs will fall victim to automation in the next twenty years. Nobody trusts the pension system anymore. General liberalization has made safeguarding the economic future a service that only those who have earned well before old age can survive. As you can see, we didn't say a word about global warming and overpopulation! Do you still wonder why no-kids dating sites are gaining popularity in 2023?
We don't want to bore you with general information anymore. Interested in delving deeper into this subject? Keep reading to find all the answers!
Why might dating without kids be beneficial for you?
As we have already stated, continuously more singles are deciding on a future without children. Still, saying out loud the phrase, "I'm happy without offspring!" remains embarrassing and abnormal for many. After all, devoting yourself to your professional development, hobbies, and journeys kind of contradicts the generally accepted social ideal.
For many modern ladies, the prospect of becoming a full-time mom is more frightening than the scariest horror movie. So we are not surprised you got to know one with such views. In this section of our article, we'll highlight some hidden advantages of a relationship with a girl who doesn't want to have kids. Trust us - it is indeed something to appreciate here!
You are a couple - not parents
CF dating offers partners to take as much time for each other as they want. In this case, you can gain experience, travel, go partying on Friday evening, and sleep until lunch on Saturday. Anything else that you and your girlfriend like? Sure! You two bear no responsibility for the life of a little human. Meanwhile, you have enough time to work on your relationship and solve conflicts immediately (without waiting for an appropriate moment).
Unfortunately, in many couples, after years of marriage, spouses become just parents. And when kids move out, they practically have nothing to say to each other. When deciding on another future, you ensure you and your wife won't grow apart.
No bedroom complications
Children often snuggle up in bed with their parents. Indubitably - it's pleasant to cuddle with small family members, but what about an active sex life? In child-free singles dating, you can make love as much as you want, wherever you want, without any awkward explanations. Mothers and fathers, in contrast, must always find a special occasion for it.
Although you need a bedroom not only for physical pleasure. Is your sleep sacred to you? Well, with kids, the first months and years can be challenging because parents rarely get a good night's rest. And even with time, the fears about your protégé will keep you from sleeping soundly after a long working day.
Money, money, money...
The Paris School of Economics professors surveyed one million parents over ten years. And it turned out that many of the respondents were less satisfied after the birth of their children than ever before. This was mainly due to the financial aspect of the issue.
Yes, the expenses for the offspring are immense! It starts with the baby's equipment - school supplies and stuff for hobbies that are added later. At some point, families often need a larger apartment and a more spacious car. If both parents have to work (possibly in full-time jobs) - balancing work and family life can also lead to enormous stress.
Let's see how much money you save registering to the dating site for people who don't want kids. According to statistics, up to the age of 21, a child costs around $160.000, plus an average loss of earnings of $150.000 for one and $190,000 for two children.
How do you date a childfree person?
It looks like you are ready to let go of feelings of guilt and experience cfdating for what it actually is: pure luxury life. Your race, citizenship, and social status don't matter - with this willingness, a large part of the potential ballast simply disappears. Better yet, they don't even show up!
Never having to get up at night because of babies crying, no worrying about chicken pox and sore knees, no headache caused by annoying puberty... Listen to what your child-raising friends say and be happy you shouldn't have to go through this!
But stay strong - because there is still more to come. According to worldwide statistical data, 42 percent of all divorces occur in the first year of a baby's life. The other 65 percent hold out a little longer and are provoked by constant dissatisfaction with family life.
However, we don't want to say that a relationship without offspring doesn't face problems. Below you can find 8 tips to ensure your own happily-ever-after story.
Tip 1. Define fulfillment differently
In many people's minds, children stand for a fulfilled life. They are seen as something special, wonderful, and unique... No wonder: once they are born, the entire life of their parents changes. Many fathers and mothers explain that only through their little ones can they learn what genuine love is.
Great that these guys have found what they adore - your future is different, though. And, of course, you shouldn't forget about self-realization. The difference is - don't ask yourself and your woman, "How can I be happy without children?" Reformulate it instead: "How can I live a fulfilling life without kids?"
Do you and your lady want to leave something behind? You have plenty of options! Create a self-help group, start a shared business, get involved in charitable work - the list can go further. Take your time - there is something for everyone. So pause for a moment, sort yourself out, and then start an exciting undertaking, dear friend.
Tip 2. Childfree instead of childless
Psychologists are sure that the so-called mental setting is crucial for happiness. Thus, in the context of your personal situation, you and your girl shouldn't consider yourself childless. You merely choose the benefits of being childfree. It's necessary to explain to those with kids that you don't hate their offspring. Your couple picks the path that promises peace for your hearts and minds.
At the same time, child-free romance offers a vast array of life models at your disposal. You two can immerse yourselves completely in your work to aim for a great career, or you can find a shared job in the non-profit sector. Perhaps both of you have always dreamed about traveling and seeing the world. The possibilities are manifold. Recognize them and use them! Many parents envy you for that - remember this nuance the next time you get judged for your easy life.
Tip 3. Support your woman
Society seems to assume that a female must want to have children. If she doesn't have one, she often gets suspicious looks. Some women even feel they should apologize to those around them for being infertile! Those who just don't want it put themselves in justifications that are actually painful. Men have less of this problem, though. It is not considered a guy ought to have a parent's instinct. In some cases, however, they are subliminally accused of not having descendants - but never so rudely.
That's why your girlfriend needs all the support you can give. Let her know - it's her body and her life - not someone else's. And if she is not intended to have kids - it's her right to do so. You are one team. Once your beloved one realizes it, she becomes happier and bolder. Having your moral encouragement, she will no longer feel pressured and stop making excuses for being child-free.
Tip 4. Modify your social circle
What can you say about your current social circle? Who does it consist of? If it's made up of those who constantly talk about their sweet babies - this is not what your couple needs. Sooner or later, it will be apparent - you two decided to go another way. Therefore, to save you and your sweetheart from pain and frustration - start modifying your circle of friends right now.
Why don't you add some childfree singles into your group? It's logical because their interests are similar. On the other hand, these guys have more free time (parents usually aren't available when they want). For instance, you can travel away from the town for the weekend with your mates who have no offspring. Organizing a babysitter is not necessary for them either. Even better: your conversations with these people will revolve around your problems, interests, and experiences. It will never involve breastfeeding or toilet training.
Tip 5. Accept decisions made together
Never forget: notwithstanding what you and your woman have decided, it's crucial for the future of your couple to stick to it. If she was able to convince you to give up the idea of having kids or vice versa - both should stand by this choice wholeheartedly. Reproaches like "I told you what I want straight away!" when things get difficult do not help and poison the relationship.
No matter who speaks out against becoming parents - both parties (accepted this concept) must be prepared to tolerate it unreservedly. Otherwise, a one-sided desire to have offspring can become a subliminal conflict that destroys the love from within.
Sometimes professional help like couples therapy is the best solution here. As an independent third party, the therapist can support both of you in making decisions and pointing out possible misunderstandings. In addition, some couples find it easier to discuss the topic objectively in a neutral environment.
Tip 6. Do not force anything on your partner
A one-sided desire to have children can tempt people to take drastic measures. Some, with time, try to force their partner to be happy without remaining child-free. While females with such ideas stop using contraceptives (for example, spiral), males prick condoms and let nature take its course. In their opinion, once the baby is on the way - the rest will somehow find its way.
We want to warn you about this behavior because it is extremely risky. In this case, the partner rightly feels betrayed and overwhelmed by shocking changes. Such a breach of trust usually also leads to a relationship crisis or separation.
Instead, realize that hoping to have kids with a childfree girl won't bring you anything good. Although if you are ready to take the risk and secretly get her pregnant - it might be wise to reconsider your idea of dating people who don't want kids in general.
Tip 7. Do not be afraid of occasional arguments
Oh yes - conflicts are inevitable in a real relationship. When two adults with distinct personality traits put their lives together - it doesn't always go smoothly, like in a Hollywood movie. Of course, the fact you and your lady have the same opinion concerning kids makes certain things easier. But what about the other subjects? Be prepared that some topics (even after years of being a couple) will remain tense.
That doesn't mean your romance is doomed, though. Psychologists think it's better to argue from time to time. A man and a woman who never disagree often live in a symbiotic relationship where disharmony is swallowed by one or both, which later can lead to deep resentment or breakup. Happy couples maintain their trust and humor while negotiating solvable problems and, after a while, learning to live with unsolvable issues.
Tip 8. Recognize your own share of relationship problems
Everyone has to carry one's burden. And in fact, many conflicts between partners are sparked by particular events in the past. So if you believe that your woman with her idea of no-kids-dating is alone to blame - you are wrong.
Find out which mental injuries experienced in childhood lead to difficulties in understanding. In which situations do you compare your girlfriend with a parent? When are you overwhelmed by childish feelings of powerlessness and can no longer react as an adult? What conflicts keep repeating themselves in your life over and over again?
- As long as you're unconsciously going through your old issues with your new partner, you're both prisoners of the past. But the better you recognize your patterns, the sooner you can counteract them and eventually dissolve them! The same goes for your beloved one, though…
FAQ
Should I break up with someone if this person doesn’t want to have kids?
Experts say: it's easiest to ask a few key questions as you get to know each other. Because if you only come up with the desire to have children after ten years of a relationship - accept the fact you will be flabbergasted. So talk early enough about dreams and where you see yourself in fifteen or twenty years. This helps to avoid complicated situations later.
Still, if you want kids and your girlfriend prefers child-free dating - do not hesitate to leave her and continue the search. One thing, however, should be taboo: going off the contraceptive without speaking your mind clearly. This is not only extremely unfair to her - but also to the unborn little one. First of all, abortion, as an option, is open to her. Secondly (if she decides to keep it), being unwanted by a parent isn't the most pleasant experience.
Briefly: if you do want offspring - make a well-considered decision. Only you know how deep your desire is and whether you may later regret refraining from it.
Is it weird not to want children?
It's perfectly fine if you don't want children! Thus, don't let anyone talk you into that. Since only you can know how you imagine your life and what makes you happy. In addition, you are not alone here: more and more people are choosing not to become mothers and fathers for many reasons.
Of course, it also helps to figure out what exactly is behind your no. Is it the worry of having to provide for the income alone once a baby is born? When this is the case, don't forget that women nowadays get back to work pretty quickly and stand financially on their own two feet.
It was just an example, though. The one that demonstrates your and your lady's fears can be taken away after discussing your options together. Nevertheless: if your unwillingness is not connected with anxieties - follow your desires and don't listen to what others say!
How common is it not to want children?
Even though the government of the majority of countries worldwide demands an unequivocal "Yes, I want to" and even more - "Yes, I can" from couples (concerning children question), regardless of their circumstances - not everyone is ready to act so. Those who put three words, "single, no kids, and dating," in one sentence won't be seen as selfish anymore.
Statistic data speaks for itself: more than 1 in 4 adults today decide on voluntary childlessness. They are sure that couples can be recognized members of society without becoming parents.
