Dating a woman with kids: is it worth it?

Finally, after a long search, you have found the woman of your dreams. She is gorgeous, smart, and humorous. This lady has everything you could want. In fact, she has a lot more: namely a child…

Well, it should be no surprise for you to hear that the divorce rates worldwide keep on reaching record levels from year to year. This also applies to the relationships that have not been officially registered. Therefore, dating platforms for finding partners note a trend of increasing the number of single parents who consider getting back to dating once again.

Still, the fact remains: many men see a romance with a woman with kids as something destined to fail, like climbing Mount Everest without any special training. But let’s be honest, isn’t it just a relic of the past? Why do you need to give up the chance to achieve happiness without trying to make things work? After all, everyone knows that in the world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. A relationship is definitely something worth trying, then! However, to have the best result, you really need to take the whole dating process seriously. Because, in this case, you ought to find a key, not to the heart of a woman you like only: her children will need a part of your attention too. Don’t worry, it’s not as hard as it seems.

Today we are going to clarify all questionable matters in this regard. We'll find out about the pros and cons, give recommendations on finding an approach to children along with their mom, and share many other working tips in this matter. So make yourself comfortable, and welcome to our dating-a-lady-with-kids guide.

Cons to Dating a Woman with Kids

Like you’ve probably heard, some people still see a woman who has children from a previous relationship as a burden. On the other hand: psychologists think that it’s nothing more but fear what is quite normal, though. Not everyone is ready to take such responsibility. Why do men, after all, decide on dating a mother with kids? What kind of benefits do they get then?

Experts highlight several advantages of this decision. First of all, it’s worth noting, these females are hundred percent ready for family life. A woman who has children knows, for sure, how to cook, clean, and create comfort in the house. Even if she is still young, the fact of arrival a baby in the world it's something that has changed her life and mindset dramatically. For the better, of course. Therefore, this lady enters a relationship without hoping for pie in the sky. Her thoughts have changed to more serious ones - a good dose of reality was taken.

A girl who was married and now has to raise her child by herself knows that a romance may face difficulties, and it’s okay. She is ready to meet all problems together, to fight side by side with all of them. If you start dating someone who doesn’t have kids and has never been in committed relationships: be ready that your beloved might not want to work that hard in the name of your love.

The other matter that makes ladies with children so desirable - her serious intentions. Such a woman is not looking for an online flirt or an affair that actually doesn’t mean anything. She thinks about her little one and dreams of giving him a complete family, with both parents by his side. So, if you are tired of empty-headed females who are undetermined with their future - a single mom will be a perfect choice. With such a girlfriend, you won’t go away broken-hearted.

Another bonus you get dating a woman with a kid is an opportunity to try on the role of a father and head of the family. It is an incredible experience every man needs. Actually, here you get a unique chance to learn from your mistakes. We mean, when you have your own children in the future, approach to their upbringing will definitely be managed with skill. This is where the value is.

But again, nothing is perfect. What about the cons, then?

One of the greatest disadvantages of dating a woman with a child or children is the presence of her ex-husband in their daily routine. It’s quite possible that he won’t be happy about the appearance of a stepdad in the life of his kids. Many conflicts arise out of this situation. A biological father may feel neglected and, therefore, through his actions, provoke arguments between you and your girlfriend.

Another negative side of such a romance is finance. Becoming a part of the family, you automatically take responsibility for all its members. Unfortunately, raising kids is rather expensive. Paying bills for training, toys, clothes, and presents will cost you a pretty penny. Have you noticed that we say nothing about your expenses for dates with your lady? We don’t stir things up - just be ready for it.

Okay, it’s time to talk about the things money can’t buy. Finding an approach to a child of your beloved one is also an issue you will have to face. Actually, your attitude shall comply with specifics of his age. If he is 10 years old or less - it might be easy. However, finding a way of winning the sympathy of a teenager is something really complicated. Just imagine: for a long time, he was the only joy of his mother, but it's over now. Such a kind can painfully react to your attempts to have a moment alone with his mom. In this case, only your wisdom and patience can help.

What to ask women with children before first date

Okay, looks like the pros and cons are weighed out, and at this moment, you probably think, «It’s not that bad. I don’t see why not. Where should I start, then?» As you can imagine, the Internet offers lots of opportunities to find your special one. Therefore, most certainly, you’ll meet your woman with kids on a dating site. At the same time, it’s important to look ahead: how do you understand that this lady is what you are looking for? Well, why don’t you just ask her these 5 questions to make things clear once and for all?

How would you describe your relationship with your ex-husband?

You need to watch out for extreme: either it’s no contact at all or texts every day. If your lady is not completely over her ex - you better go on and try to communicate with someone else.

How long has it been since your last relationship?

The previous relationship should have ended at least three months ago. You don't want to be your woman's medicine for heartache, don't you?

Have you ever cheated on your partner?

Just so you know, if yes - the situation could be repeated. The only difference is that next time you’ll be a cuckold.

How much time are you ready to invest in our relationship?

A single mother doesn’t have much time for relationships. She has to work, take care of herself and her child. Therefore, you need to talk about how she wants to integrate your dates into such a busy schedule before the first offline date.

What are your future goals?

We don’t want you to get married to this lady right away. Still, a committed relationship requires that partners have similar ideas about the future.

What to ask women with children on the first date

Your girlfriend’s answers were pretty good, and you do want to ask her out. Online dating experts say that people often find it difficult to build the first conversation outside of the Internet. Just calm down, though: you don’t have to worry about it at all. Below you can see questions that will help to avoid awkward pauses in your talk. You could use some of them to make communication smoother.

Do you prefer to talk or listen?

In an ideal world, partners complement each other: you are a listener - your woman is a talker or vice versa. If that’s not the case, at least you get an idea of which approach must be taken with her.

What is the best compliment someone has ever given you?

Try to remember what your girl says, or better write it somewhere down. You can use this compliment one day later to make her shine.

Which daily problem would you like to solve most of all?

If you are dating a single mom, be ready, she might need your help with different daily problems. Become her own Superman and offer it by yourself - she will surely appreciate your willingness to be there for her.

What is the last picture you took with your phone?

Aren’t you curious to know what that is? By the way, it’s also a nice chance to see some other photos your lady has on her cell phone.

What was the best thing that happened to you today?

Most likely, your girl will tell you something about her child, answering this question - the perfect time to show the seriousness of your intentions.

What to expect from each age group:

Your first date was successful, and further rendezvous have shown that your feelings grow day by day. It means soon it’ll be the time to take the next step in your relationships - meet her children. When you date someone with kids, it’s critical to find a common language with each one. But how to do that and what to expect from them?

0-4 years old

Relax: it’s the most harmless age group you could get. However, you will have to say goodbye to peaceful sleep for a while. On the positive side: you can enjoy romantic evenings with your girlfriend almost without interrupting.

The first few times you try to hold her child in your arms - he will cry. You don’t have to worry about it. The little one needs time to get used to you. Have patience - it’s the best approach you can manage in this case. Sooner or later, it will happen.

If you don’t like to change diapers - tell it right away. Still, helping your beloved one with household routine is a part of normal relationships. So you can choose what you like more: cooking, cleaning, or any other activities with the baby. The point is you support her.

5-8 years old

Congratulations, the diapers’ stage is over now, and it’s great. What’s so hard about this age group, then? You have to earn the children’s respect. How to do that? Well, the easiest way is to become a role model for them: forget about bad habits and just be awesome. But the growth of your authority may be slowed down with the help of their biological father. In this case, you need to be ready for constant comparison to him, «No, it’s wrong! My dad says…» or «Can you do this? My daddy can!» It would be good for you to have some clever tricks for such an occasion. Kids will be happy to learn something new or simply have fun with you.

By the way, be really careful with what you say. This age group is famous for its linguistic talent: they easily remember and repeat every word that comes out of your mouth. It means if your girlfriend’s relatives find out that it was you who taught their children bad language - angry looks are unavoidable.

9-12 years old

Dating a woman with kids who are older than 8 gives you a chance to broaden your horizons. They want to find out how the world actually works - not without your help, of course. Therefore, start reading different curious facts on Wikipedia - children should not suspect that you don’t know something. Also, you will need to make password protection for some video folders on your computer (do you know which special adult folders we mean?).

You will have to deal with dozens of children who come to visit your woman’s kids all the time. It means no more silence in the house. Have you noticed that we are not talking about birthdays and other loud parties?

Around this age, children usually come up with the desire to get a pet. All your attempts to prove that fish are just perfect for this role are doomed to fail.

One more word of advice. When you wake up at night to drink some water - don’t be lazy to turn the light on. Remember that somewhere in the corridor, soldier figures or small Lego pieces are waiting for your feet. And screaming at night is never a good idea.

13-15 years old

Here you will have to dive into the magical school world again. As you may remember, children of this age get not only knowledge of history or math over there. Real life for them goes in pauses between lessons. The point is, remember how you were punished for bad grades and think twice whether it’s worth doing the same.

Experts from various matchmaking platforms and dating apps say that children of this age begin to search for love on the Internet. If that’s the way you and their mother have met - they will surely try it too. This also means lying to the site administration about their age (since dating services for teenagers don't exist).

By the way, they start lying in general. Try to watch the «Lie to Me» series with Tim Roth - it might be helpful.

16 and older

Ask them to call you dad the first time you meet: it will make you all laugh and might help cool things down a bit. In their opinion, you are just a boyfriend of their mother, nothing else. And don’t you dare offend her.

Actually, when dating a woman with children of this age group, your goal must be becoming their good friend. However, whether you like it or not, there is a need to compete with them time over time. If possible, take part only in those types of competitions where you don’t need to use many physical resources, like pool, ping-pong, poker, and so on.

Good news: a child who is over 18 will get his driving license soon. It means you’ll automatically get a personal driver who is willing to pick you and his mother up from a pub on Friday evening.

10 things you need to consider before dating someone with kids

Now you know all the essential information about dating someone with a child. It’s not that complicated as many people think. Still, we want to emphasize 10 things to consider before deciding to enter a relationship with such a woman.

Her time is precious - you won’t get much of it.

Don’t be upset if you don’t spend every waking moment with your girlfriend. The good thing about it is you will have enough time for your career, hobbies, and friends.

Her children will always be her priority.

If her kids are not doing well, then she would not be doing well either. It means that you need to respect her decision, even if you don’t think it’s the right thing to do. Still, never see her children as your enemies - your lady is surely doing her best to make you happy.

Her ex-husband will always be somewhere in her life.

Yes, their marriage didn’t have a happy ending. And, most likely, if it would be up to your woman, she would never talk to her ex again. Still, they have to share one big responsibility: bringing up their children. So show your respect for her wisdom.

Getting to know her kids is a pretty big deal.

When single parents date someone new, it always takes a lot of time till a new partner may gain an opportunity to meet his girlfriend’s kids for the first time. «Mommy, who is this man? Will you marry him? Will he be our new dad?» - they will ask thousands of questions. Therefore, she must be a hundred percent sure your relationships are serious enough for this step.

She might be a little unreliable.

Either a babysitter lets her down, or a child is ill - well, life with children is pretty chaotic. It would be nice if you accept it and laugh about daily challenges together with your beloved one.

It can get really complicated.

A romance with a single mother is certainly a lot more complicated than dating a woman who doesn’t have kids. Still, she has a sense of responsibility and self-control. It’s significant for all committed relationships.

She doesn’t play games.

Such a woman doesn’t have time for affairs that bring nothing. She speaks openly about her desires and is not afraid to be herself.

She doesn’t want you to buy the love of her children.

There is nothing wrong with your desire to bring a present to a little one. Still, your genuine emotions matter more.

She could never forgive if you hurt her child.

It’s even a bit strange to remind you of that, but still. Slapping a kid is illegal and just inappropriate. So please find another way to get through to him.

She wants you to be honest.

Dating someone new is usually about sugarcoating things. A woman who has children wants her man to be completely honest with her since her previous relationships have shown, without this element - happily ever after doesn’t exist.

Bottomline: how to decide if it’s worth it? Is it OK to date a woman with a child?

Read this article slowly and thoughtfully one more time. Pay special attention to the disadvantages that dating a woman with kids brings. You need to make the most informed decision possible because, in this case, you get a double responsibility. How to decide whether it is worth it for you or not? Well, listen to your heart. She is just a woman, after all. We advise you to take this chance: there are no guarantees in a relationship anyway!