Tips on dating a single mom for making it work

Well, let’s face it - for singles with children, the whole dating process doesn’t seem to be simple. Many of them, when looking for a new partner, feel completely lost since lots of questions without answers appear in their heads. Moreover, the insistent public pressure these people have to handle - is actually beyond the pale.

Single parenting was more common a couple of centuries ago. However, around 25% of moms and dads worldwide still raise their children without a partner by their side. So, there is no wonder that you have met a lady who is beautiful, on the inside and outside; but she is available in a double or multiple-pack only. Or, wait, are you also a single parent? Okay, first things first, as we are going to clarify all the issues in this regard. Just make yourself comfortable and give us a chance to dispel your doubts!

What Makes a Single Mom So Special?

Why is dating a single mother a good idea then? What makes them so desirable? Notwithstanding your marital status and the presence of children, it is necessary to emphasize three main advantages of relationships with such women.

#1 - her self-reliance

This lady will definitely not stick around you, begging for dates and shared leisure activities. To be honest, she doesn’t have time for it. A typical single mom has to balance work, kids, friends, relatives, and a new romance - as you can see, in this case, she has no time to be a drama queen. It means - your dates will always have the status of something special that helps to escape the routine. As another bonus, such a girlfriend will also respect your personal space, just like the short moments to yourself that everyone needs to clear the head.

Single mothers usually live independently and are not afraid of loneliness. They know how to take care of their lives and are not going to force you into a marriage. So, you two will have enough time to analyze your feelings and keep a clear mind when making important decisions as, for example, move in together. In other words: no rush, no stress.

#2 - she is down to earth

Dating a single mother is not about empty promises and disconnected from reality dreams. These females always have a plan since they exactly know what they want. On the other hand, such girls are aware that plans can change anytime, and it’s better to be ready to improvise.

Shit happens, and you need to deal with this fact - that’s what a woman who raises children on her own can tell everyone with confidence. She has a kid - it’s a huge responsibility. Therefore, fly free, walk on the rainbow, and all that stuff is not about her.

#3 - her willingness to give love

Maternity is a great opportunity to learn how to love someone unconditionally. A small baby has nothing to give in return, but his mom loves him just because he exists. Such experience teaches a woman to become a better partner in a relationship: selfless, truthful, kind.

Psychologists say that single mothers tend to be more caring and willing to give love than ladies who don’t have kids. Their patience, calmness, and ability to support are usually much stronger. If you treat a girlfriend like this right - you get the most loyal and loving partner ever.

How to date a single mom, then?

Okay, the previous point immediately leads to the questions - what does it mean, treat her right? Is there anything special?

#1 - make your intentions known

It may seem illogical or even stupid to talk about your expectations and intentions from the very beginning of the romance. However, if you decide to date a single mother, it’s better to do it at the earliest opportunity.

There are two options the way we see it when talking about the relationship with such a girl. The first one is pretty common if your lady just finished her marriage. In this case, most likely, she may want to have fun or find the emotional support that would help her to get through this difficult life phase. Basically, it means nothing more than the friends with benefits concept. The second one is more frequent for ladies who are single for a while. In that event, probably, her goal is creating a new family.

Therefore, to ensure that your hopes and desires match - be honest with yourself and the woman you start dating with.

#2 - do not try to represent yourself as a knight in shining armor

Well, we don’t mean playing dress-up. It’s rather about patronizing your partner. You may find it absurd, but many experts give exactly this advice for dating a single mom. This stems from the fact that men often try to express their feelings to such women through overprotection.

Even though it may feed your ego, in the long run, emotional and physical exhaustion is guaranteed. Understand us right, it’s nothing wrong with the desire to help and support your lady - simply don’t go to the extremes.

#3 - do not be selfish

We guess that there is no need to explain how painful divorce may be. However, it doesn’t end up when the process is over from a legal standpoint. This dramatic change in lifestyle has definitely done some damage.

Therefore, do not be selfish. Try to understand your new girlfriend: her emotions, words, thoughts. It’s also important for you to realize that your relationship cannot become her number one priority right at the beginning. Do not complain that she doesn’t spend all her free time with you, because children need their mother, too. So when your woman calls you after work - tell her that she is doing great and you are proud of her. Trust us, she will appreciate it.

#4 - do not wait too long to meet her kids

When dating a single mom, you should not wait for special circumstances to introduce yourself to her children. The perfect moment may never come, anyway. On the other hand, if you postpone this meeting for a very long while, kids may start to have certain expectations in your regard that are hard to fulfill.

So, the best tactic here is to get to know your woman’s children at the earliest opportunity. By the way, the hardest part, in the opinion of many men, is to find the right approach to them. Don’t worry, we have advice which will surely help you to get the best result. Just check out how their mother communicates with them: her manners and methods. When the strategy is clear - follow it. Remember, you don’t need to become their new father - being a good friend would be pretty enough.

#5 - be careful with your words and actions

This point is relevant to those who are in a committed relationship with a single mother. In this case, you are a frequent guest in her house and, therefore, spend a lot of time with her kids.

Keep in mind, dating a single mom is hard because you need to become not only her beloved but also a role model for children. Hence, you need to be careful with your actions and words, so they would not learn from your bad habits. The same is the truth concerning your attitude to their mother. You need to show how the real gentleman behaves in any situation: what is right and what is absolutely unacceptable.

Relationship with her kids

Further guidance for dating a single mom will be focused on the nuances of relationships with such a lady and, equally importantly, with her son/daughter.

Basically, this romance has everything in order to be successful. A woman who has marriage experience in the background can give a lot to her new man. She knows the reality of family life and is actually glad that her illusions have been crushed. The past failures of previous relationships help your girlfriend to separate the primary from the secondary issues. This automatically means no quarrel over every trivial thing. She values her partner and wants to be happy in harmony with him.

On the other hand, there are certain specificities of dating such a female you need to be aware of. First and foremost, this is related to her free time since she has to share it not only with you.

Every day of a typical single mother is planned down to the last detail. So, each time you want to go out, she needs to cancel some appointments or, for example, wake up much earlier. After all, making herself presentable, doing hair and nails costs time too. It doesn’t mean you need to spend all the dates at her home - just respect the efforts she makes. Do not come late for your dates, in the best case, try to be there five-ten minutes earlier. When your lady says that she has to be home at 10 pm - don’t make her stay too long: most likely, her babysitter needs to go by then.

The collection of articles «How to date a single mom tips» created by famous US-psychologists teaches its readers the fundamental truth in this matter. According to them: if you, after the first meeting, start to lecture her child - it won’t end well. Always remember that «parenthood» is her territory, and the right to enter it must be earned. Your strategy, especially at the beginning, should be about care and friendship. Do not take it personally, but the stepfather status is not easy to get. Another piece of advice at this point - be honest. Children have a deep understanding of people’s emotions and can easily recognize falseness.

It is also worth drawing attention to the importance of slowing down by expressing your love in front of children. You need to avoid hugging and kissing your girlfriend when they watch. Their age does not really matter since all kids are very receptive and impressionable. Therefore, it’s completely impossible to foretell the reaction they may translate.

And what about her Ex?

Okay, how to deal with such a lady and her children is clear now. However, there is something we cannot leave unattended. What about her ex-husband then? What is the role he still plays in your new girlfriend’s life?

When getting to know someone, it’s always better to stick to the good old rule and don’t talk about previous relationships much. On the other hand, once you are together as a couple for some time, this subject can’t be avoided. Also, it’s quite normal that her ex is present in the life of the child.

If you don’t want to suffer from unmotivated jealousy, ask this question on the initial stages of dating a single mom with a toddler:

• Do you still communicate with your ex?
  Communication, in this case, means personal chats and calls (not about kids). It is also possible that they continue to have a shared circle of friends. You need to be aware of those nuances to minimize stress.
• Who has initiated the breakup?
  Sounds totally stupid and cliched, we know. Still, it’s better to know who broke up with whom. Then you can easily understand the probability of the presence of the feelings from one to another.
• What went wrong?
  This question can help you not only to clarify the issues from her past but also to find out about the dangers of your current relationship. Here you can try to learn from the mistakes of others and protect yourself from disappointment.

It is worth remembering that you shouldn’t negotiate the personality of the ex-spouse of your woman, particularly if children are somewhere around you. Of course, such conversations cannot be avoided when dating single mothers, but mind your business. The best way you can act here is to listen. However, you should definitely refrain from giving advice. It does not matter how their relationship worked out for your lady - this man is the father of her little one; he is a parent. Try to be a little more discreet, and it will be better for you later.

If I have kids, how will they react to new stepmother?

Nowadays, in fact, single fathers are increasingly common to see. If you, for some reason, have to bring up children by yourself - sooner or later, when the time comes, they will meet your new girlfriend. How to do it right? What about their reaction?

First of all, you need to prepare your kids for a future meeting. Tell them about your woman, describe her personality. Once again, you need to be honest and never give them false hopes. Another important factor - do not introduce your lady to children right after a couple dates. You need to be sure that your relationship develops towards marriage - only in this case, it would be right. Remember that permanent change of partners may have a very bad effect on the children’s fragile trust.